2009 New Year’s Resolutions

1. Colorado Plates for car

2. Pay parking tickets because I have failed to affix my front plate to my car

3. Learn how to snowboard

4. Find a new apartment

5. Grow hair out. In other words, stop cutting hair shorter than it already is.

6. Go to Europe

7. Take a road trip across the country

8. Bring back Fortune Cookie Friday!

9. Brush up on my Tagalog

10. Learn how to parallel park my car

11. Stop using emoticons >:-/

12. Put together the bookshelf that has been sitting on my floor the last 7 weeks.

13. Finish decorating bedroom

14. Hang mirror

15.

This Woman’s Work

Thanksgiving Weekend
11/30/2008

11:00 PM I find myself sitting in a rental car, driving through the wonderful and beautiful state of South Carolina. I had forgotten how much I loved it here. It was and still is, in many ways, my home.

I’ve always questioned how in the holy hell did I end up here, at this point, at this very exact moment in my life? How do any of us end up where we are today. Do things really happen for a reason?

I’m completely exhausted from the week (I blame the thanksgiving food). My friends call me every 30 minutes in an effort to keep me entertained and awake and just to make sure I am ok. I have approximately 2 more hours until I reach my final destination. Is it really the journey that takes me there that counts? Or am I driving 4.5 hours in the middle of night just to make a mistake or even a regret? I thought of turning around and heading home several times throughout the evening. But I keep driving. I keep moving. I keep going.

It is true, unlike many others, I have yet to find, much less identify, a defining moment in my life. Am I that oblivious? Have I blocked it out of memory? The answer… my defining moment has yet to happen.

It is already 1:30 AM and I should note, I am afraid. Not of the road ahead of me or even the destination that awaits, but of my past that haunts me everyday. It’s not fair. It rarely is though is it? I had to pull the car over and sit there for a moment to think. And for the first time in a very long time, I prayed. I’m not saying I was saved or that I even prayed to Christ or to God. In fact, I believe I started my prayer with “To Whom it May Concern”. I have gone through the hardest year of my life. I have refused to let it reduce me. I have refused to let it define me. But yet, at this very moment, I realize I have yet to acknowledge what happened until now.

2:30 AM I finally arrive at said destination. The 4.5 hour drive is over. I am finally here. Before getting out of the car, before the exchange of “Hi and Hello” or even the embrace of “I’m glad you made it safely”, I knew immediately, this was worth everything. This was worth the long journey. This was my defining moment.

You and I Both

And it’s okay if you have to go away
Just remember the telephone works both ways
And if I never ever hear it ring
If nothing else I’ll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that’s okay
Cause I’ll remember everything you sang

Turning 33

This week, I am 33 years old. It is a fact, I do not enjoy getting older and I have despised my birthday as long as I can remember. Although, this is the one year and the one birthday that I will never forget.

I have to admit, since the day I first set foot in Colorado, my life has not gone the way I expected or even wanted. But since Halloween, I have been nothing but full of laughter, excitement and most of all HOPE. And for the first time, in a very long time, I have not worried about the failures and tragedies in my life.

I managed to come out of my time deceiving cave of an apartment, waking up for the first time, and seeing what I have been missing all along. I have made new friends who have made my stay in Colorado worth while. I discovered an old friend, who I have the deepest respect for (sorry it has taken me so long to sit down and finally have a conversation with you).

And most of all, I have finally worked through my frustrations and have overcome the doubts that have occupied my life and my well being. I am finally enjoying my life and I am looking forward to what lies ahead and beyond 33.

We were so close we could’ve touched the clouds

Things my new life in Denver has given me:

Original Post Here

1. A new car that gets worse gas mileage than my last one.

2. An office that use to be the men’s bathroom.

3. Nightmares of running out of gas in the middle of I-25

4. 5 parking citations

5. Ambition to do something better in my life

6. Realizing I have to bring my own coffee in the morning because the free coffee at work is just disgusting.

7. My laptop stolen.

8. My bank account that has seen more overdrafts in that last month than my entire life.

9. A better salary but with a smaller savings account.

10. A court date

11. Stomach aches every time I think of my court date

12. Hoang Huy Trong Vo == THE WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE!

I married a gay man!

No, I didn’t. But I was reading one of the many, monthly fitness magazines I subscribe to and found an article with a title so quipped to read.

While seeking therapy, I quickly scanned a story “I married a gay man”! and of course one of the first lines I read was “You see honey, I got Chlamydia because I frequent Gay Bars, and they have these holes in the wall in the bathroom. But I’m not that way”. Don’t get me wrong, STDs they’re something not to joke about. But the fact that he basically described a glory hole was just too hilarious!

I died laughing. I’m my upstairs neighbor thought “what the fuck is wrong with you now?”.

Vote for my next haircut!!

Hi everyone! Here’s the deal. I shall be getting my haircut soon, and based on the number of votes I promise to get my haircut in that style. Although the only disclaimer I have is that my hair color will remain black. Sorry!

I should have also added, that this is my current hair.

I will not let you in my life unless you have an invitation!

You may think I’m a bitch. But, here’s the deal: By default, everyone has an invitation. But if for some reason, I revoke your invitation, you’re no longer involved in my life. It’s a done deal.

For instance, if I said to you:

A. “Please don’t ever call me again” == Invitation Terminated
B. “You’re f’ing psychotic!” == 99.9% Invitation Terminated
C. If I block you from any social networking site or IM == Invitation Terminated
D. If I ignore you in public because I obviously do not want to talk to you == Invitation Terminated
E. All of the above == Just Runaway

Get it? Good.

In a galaxy far, far away…

The most annoying part of living alone in a city where you hardly know anyone is that you have plenty of time to sit and think. The worst part of that is you start to remember embarrassing moments, frustrating situations and people you swore you never think about again. And that feeling that was buried with that moment, situation and thought, has resurfaced and it’s as if a day has never passed since that time.

<redacted>

Liana suggested I say 5 things I am grateful for everyday. And since it is 1AM, I should get on with it so I won’t go to bed angry:

1. Jamie – for being the person that he is and my best friend

2. Keri – for always listening no matter how tiresome my rants can be. You’ve never judged me and I am so grateful for that.

3. Mom and Dad – for always supporting me and loving me no matter how much I feel I’ve disappointed them.

4. Ernie and Elphaba – my 2 dogs who are no longer with me but have taught me the most valuable lesson of unconditional love.

5. Twitter – seriously, the power of twitter is more than anyone can imagine. But it’s not really “Twitter” that I’m grateful for, it’s the people on Twitter that I’m drawn to.

So everyone is right. Once you start to think of at least 5 things you are grateful for, you start to realize all that other stuff really doesn’t matter. But that doesn’t mean I take back the “Fuck You’s”.

Good night Denver. One day I’ll be out and about discovering your best kept secrets.