Anti-Stalking Resolutions

As a former victim of a stalker (to a point where I had to move), I wish I had these list of things given to me. In the event that you may or may not have a stalker, here are some tips for you:

1. Tell the stalker “no” once and only once, and then never give him the satisfaction of a reaction again. The more you respond, the more you teach him that his actions will elicit a response. This only serves to reinforce the stalking.
2. Get a dog. The Los Angeles Police Department’s Threat Management Unit says this is “one of the least expensive but most effective alarm systems.”
3. Block your address at DMV and Voter Registration. If you don’t, anyone can get it for the asking. This is how Robert Bardo found actress Rebecca Schaeffer and was able to murder her at her front door.
4. Never give out your home address or telephone number. Get a post office box and use it on all correspondence. For those places that will not accept a post office box, change “PO Box” to “Apt.” and leave the number. Put this address on your checks.
5. When the stalker gets your home telephone number, don’t change it. Instead, always let an answering machine pick-up. Get a new, unlisted number, and give it to everyone who calls but the stalker. Gradually, only your stalker will be using your old number – it will become his private line. If it upsets you when he calls, put the machine in a room you don’t use. You can even have someone else monitor the tapes. This way, the stalker will think he is still getting through to you, although you will never make the mistake of picking up when he calls. Whenever you close off one avenue for a stalker, he will find another and it could easily be worse.
6. Document everything. Even if you have decided not to go the legal route, you may change your mind. Keep answering machine tapes, letters, gifts, etc. Keep a log of drive-bys or any suspicious occurrences.
7. Take a self-defense class. A lot of security experts don’t advise this, fearing that it gives victims a false sense of security, but we do. The best self-defense classes teach you how to become more aware of your surroundings and avoid confrontations, things that stalking victims would do well to learn.
8. Have co-workers screen all calls and visitors.
9. Don’t accept packages unless they were personally ordered.
10. Remove any name or identification from reserved parking at work.
11. Destroy discarded mail.
12. Equip your gas tank with a locking gas cap that can be unlocked only from inside the car.
13. Get a cell phone and keep it with you at all times, even inside your home, in case the stalker cuts your phone lines.
14. If you think you are being followed while in your car, make four left- or right-hand turns in succession. If the car continues to follow you, drive to the nearest police station, never home or to a friend’s house.
15. Never be afraid to sound your car horn to attract attention.
16. Acquaint yourself with all-night stores and other public, highly populated places in your area.
17. Consider moving if your case warrants it. No, it’s not fair, but nothing is fair about stalking. If you stay and fight through the legal system, you might get some justice, (although not necessarily your definition of it), but you almost certainly won’t get safety: There is no possibility of life imprisonment for stalkers. Research how to keep your destination secret. Stalking and victims’ organizations can help.
18. Don’t be embarrassed and think you caused this somehow. Stalkers need no encouragement. Your shame is your stalker’s best weapon. It makes you more likely to engage him or agree to plea bargains, which are bound to be taken as sympathy and we know where that leads. Instead, tell everyone you know that you’re being stalked, from neighbors to co-workers, so that when the stalker approaches them for information about you, they will be alerted not to divulge anything and will let you know he’s been around. One young widow moved to escape her stalker, a stranger she had never really met. Yet, after finding out where she moved, he was also able to pinpoint her exact location by showing her helpful neighbors pictures he had surreptitiously taken of her and her children, telling them that he was her estranged husband and she had kidnapped the kids.
19. Join one of the stalking victims’ support groups that are springing up all over the country. They can be invaluable resources for information in your community (such as how local law enforcement handle these cases) as well as provide essential support.

Things that I love and hate:

Inspired by Wired Magazine:

30 Things I Am NOT Okay With:

Paper cuts, jet lag, bloating, holes in my socks, Large Gas Guzzling SUV’s, Republicans that don’t know politics worth shit, rednecks, PC’s, MySpace, Meat, Los Angeles (sorry Liana!), Hard Liquor, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Dallas, TX, Reality TV, Stupid Girls that are famous for no reason, Crocs, Heroes (TV show),
30 Things That I’m Okay With:

Fuel Effecient Cars, Ernie and Elphaba, Facebook, Democrats, Macs, IPhone, Twitter, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Wheat Beer, Lisa Ling, San Francisco, The Office,

Rocky Mountain High

“It’s Colorado rocky mountain high
I’ve seen it rainin’ fire in the sky
Friends around the campfire and everybody’s high
Rocky mountain high”

We left a very rainy Atlanta at 9:00 AM to start the longest road trip we’ve ever had. Let me preface this post by saying, I’m soooo glad Sara was with me. She was an awesome driver that knows to check her blind spots before changing lanes. Trust me, I’ve ridden with people who has almost sideswiped semi-trucks for failing to do this simple task. A snowing in Kentucky and it snowed even harder in Illinois. After 8 hours in the car, we stopped in St. Louis to find food. Punched in a GPS location, and of course the restaurant that we wanted to go to didn’t exist anymore. By this time we were starved and ready to get the fuck out of the car. So we settled on TGIFridays.

Denver vs. Atlanta

During my 2 month time here in Denver I can already attest that there are so many differences between the 2 cities. Well, besides the fact that one in located in the Midwest and the other in the Southeast. I have found it difficult to get use to but I guess not every city is the same:

Denver

My very own Princess Diary

So much has happened since the last time I wrote. Some good, some bad and a lot of it, just plain ugly. It may seem as if I’m revealing too much info, but this is my life and this is my story. So I do apologize for not updating (for the very few readers of my blog).

I guess things started the first week I was here.

Starving for asian cuisine, a coworker suggested I visit Federal Blvd by work, aka Vietnamese town. After work one day, not being use to the bitter Colorado cold, I went in search of Pho (Vietnamese Soup). Printed out directions from work: Right on Alameda and left onto Federal Blvd. As I turned onto Federal, my eyes lite up as well as my stomach. Asian restaurants everywhere. Which restaurant should I go to? There were so many of them! I tried my chance at a small restaurant. I walked in and was immediately seated at a booth as I sat there to wait for my server, HE walked by – If I would’ve known what I know now, 6+ months down the road, I would have never entered that restaurant. But like my best friend, Keri, likes to say “Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20″.

The family who owns this restaurant just recently opened it. They were so nice to me, taking time to chat and ask me where I was from. I decided that night, this is going to be my favorite Pho restaurant. I was going to let everyone know what a wonderful restaurant this was.

My third visit to this restaurant was the turning point. I walked in and they were very busy. The only seat was at a table where HE, I will refer to him as “The Mistake”, was sitting (not working but grabbing a bite to eat as well). He stood up to give me the table and I told him to sit and we can have dinner together. It was that very moment and this very conversation, that I knew my days in Denver would forever change. We talked, the owners came by and talked and joked with us. He asked me so many questions and he was so charming. We went outside for a smoke break and he asked me what I was doing later that night. I told him, I didn’t have any plans. He got my phone number and said he would call that night. And everyone knows, in boy time that means 2-3 days. That evening we went out to a bar called the Santa Fe Tequila Company. I had so much fun and I would like to think he did as well.

For the next few weeks we didn’t spend much time together. I was working really late nights at my new job and his job at the restaurant left him too exhausted to do anything. July 4th weekend, he quit his job and had plans to go to Vietnam to visit his ailing mother. We spent an entire week together before he left. Things were great until the night he left. We went to Blackhawk Casinos and came home at 3AM. I’m not sure if it was because we were both hungry and tired but we got into a huge fight. Probably the biggest argument I have ever been in. I made him walk home from my house (6 miles). I didn’t care, I hated him at this point. I knew he left the very next day and I had no problem not saying goodbye.

Exactly 2 days later, I get a text message from The Mistake, “I’m in LAX and on my way back home and I miss you and I’m sorry for the other night”. So, like a stupid girl, off I went to pick him up. The Mistake explained to me that he made it to his connection in Korea and then decided to come back to the States because something didn’t feel right. Mind you, before he left “his sister, Nhu” called constantly for him to come home. But for some reason, he didn’t go. Several conversations later and many days and nights with me, a long road trip to Las Vegas, he finally explained to me everything about his life.

So before you judge us and our decisions, his life as a child must be explained:

Before he was born, he was never wanted. By his mother or his father. His mother, pregnant with a child never took care of herself or the health of her son. When he was born as a result he had pnumonia. Maybe she had postpartum depression. Or maybe she wasn’t ready to be a mother at all. For the first year of his life, he was shuffled from family member to family member never knowing a real home. The more men she dated, the more irrelevant he became. At one point, still a baby, she left him on the doorsteps of a hospital. Luckily his uncle saw her in the process. She was sent home.

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

Un-matchable.com?

I went on the advice of a friend because after one bad relationship after another, I have succumbed to the daunting television advertisements of MATCH.COM. Don't get me wrong, I've had plenty of friends who have found success on Match, but that usually involves the girl being extremely pretty with model like looks and/or the guy who owns a small island. 

So, I've never actually physically met anyone from Match.com, I've conversed with them via IM or email... whatever. Then I block them because they either said something creepy or I'm just not really into all of this. 

But what I have observed during my 3 month subscription, is that this "online dating thing" is bull shit. Basically 90% of all males on match, can cut and paste this exact list. If you're not into this typical male, then save yourself the trouble and subscription cost, because here he is in a nutshell:

The typical match.com male is:

- Laid Back
- Loves the outdoors
- Loves Sushi
- Is open minded and wants the same
- Loves their friends and family
- Has a sense of humor
- Likes to travel
- Doesn't like drama
- 75% of images involves a mountain scene in the background or has athletic apparel on (think mountain bike and/or trail running)
- Says he's open minded but yet is looking for someone with an "about average", "athletic and toned" or "slender" build

“Highway run, Into the midnight sun….”

I use to LOVE Journey growing up, which doesn’t really constitute anything other than I loved music as a kid. I loved the Cure, Depeche Mode, Billy Idol, Led Zepplin, T-Rex, The Doors, Queen, Willie Nelson and Nirvana. Granted, I had no idea who these artists were because they always ended up on a mix tape given to my sister from psycho secret admirer. But I do have to hand it to them, they had great musical taste. And there were times where I remember my dad playing the Eagles on our old record player (the one that was the size of a dining room table). “Take it Easy” was ingrained in my head at the age of 10.

Today, fast foward to 2008… I miss the classic rock days when music had a meaning. A message of some sort. And most of all a passion from the songwriter. For instance, the top ten songs of 1969 consists of:

1969
1. Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin
2. Proud Mary – Creedence Clearwater Revival
3. I Want You Back – Jackson 5
4. Honky Tonk Women – Rolling Stones
5. Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival
6. Suite: Judy Blue Eyes – Crosby, Stills & Nash
7. Dazed And Confused – Led Zeppelin
8. Gimme Shelter – Rolling Stones
9. Come Together – Beatles
10. I Can’t Get Next To You – Temptations

Fast forward to 2008, and the top 10 songs of the year:

2009 New Year’s Resolutions

1. Colorado Plates for car

2. Pay parking tickets because I have failed to affix my front plate to my car

3. Learn how to snowboard

4. Find a new apartment

5. Grow hair out. In other words, stop cutting hair shorter than it already is.

6. Go to Europe

7. Take a road trip across the country

8. Bring back Fortune Cookie Friday!

9. Brush up on my Tagalog

10. Learn how to parallel park my car

11. Stop using emoticons >:-/

12. Put together the bookshelf that has been sitting on my floor the last 7 weeks.

13. Finish decorating bedroom

14. Hang mirror

15.

This Woman’s Work

Thanksgiving Weekend
11/30/2008

11:00 PM I find myself sitting in a rental car, driving through the wonderful and beautiful state of South Carolina. I had forgotten how much I loved it here. It was and still is, in many ways, my home.

I’ve always questioned how in the holy hell did I end up here, at this point, at this very exact moment in my life? How do any of us end up where we are today. Do things really happen for a reason?

I’m completely exhausted from the week (I blame the thanksgiving food). My friends call me every 30 minutes in an effort to keep me entertained and awake and just to make sure I am ok. I have approximately 2 more hours until I reach my final destination. Is it really the journey that takes me there that counts? Or am I driving 4.5 hours in the middle of night just to make a mistake or even a regret? I thought of turning around and heading home several times throughout the evening. But I keep driving. I keep moving. I keep going.

It is true, unlike many others, I have yet to find, much less identify, a defining moment in my life. Am I that oblivious? Have I blocked it out of memory? The answer… my defining moment has yet to happen.

It is already 1:30 AM and I should note, I am afraid. Not of the road ahead of me or even the destination that awaits, but of my past that haunts me everyday. It’s not fair. It rarely is though is it? I had to pull the car over and sit there for a moment to think. And for the first time in a very long time, I prayed. I’m not saying I was saved or that I even prayed to Christ or to God. In fact, I believe I started my prayer with “To Whom it May Concern”. I have gone through the hardest year of my life. I have refused to let it reduce me. I have refused to let it define me. But yet, at this very moment, I realize I have yet to acknowledge what happened until now.

2:30 AM I finally arrive at said destination. The 4.5 hour drive is over. I am finally here. Before getting out of the car, before the exchange of “Hi and Hello” or even the embrace of “I’m glad you made it safely”, I knew immediately, this was worth everything. This was worth the long journey. This was my defining moment.